I'm scared.

i have to admit i'm getting jealous with acrit's ex.

i was in denial for god knows how long..

but tonight..

no more pretentions.

i've had enough of keeping emotions to myself..

this time around i want to make it right.

no more crying myself to sleep.

no more keeping of emotions.

no more hiding in my crib.

enough.

i want this relationship to work.

and it has to start from within.

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3 steps to start with:

step 1. be true to yourself. when you're feeling something, don't cover it up by saying that its ok, when its not.

step 2. feel your emotions then let go. when you feel the green monster's creeping up on you, feel it. inhale.. count 1 to 3 then exhale. repeat if necessary.

step 3. open up. how the hell will you solve the problem when your partner doesn't even have an idea that a problem exists? even if you think it's just something petty, talk about it.

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i feel sad tonight. i don't know. i feel disappointed. i just have this feeling that i am not making acrit happy.

it sucks.. bigtime.

there's this fear in me.. that acrit might find someone worthy.. someone better..

don't get me wrong, i'm not saying i am not worthy.. it's just that i think i'm a failure.

i am nothing. nada. zero. nil.

i am way below the passing mark if you know what i mean..

no wonder bernard left me.

argh! so what's this? self pity? how low can i get? tsk tsk tsk...

Ahhh.. the joys and pains of too much caffeine and nicotine......